Kansas City

Original written on Facebook: Saturday, June 21, 2008 at 6:00pm

Never been. I'm not scared, or excited. Mainly anxious. To see how things will go. Whether or not I have what it takes to make it worth all that money. All the time sacrificed by the people I care about. People who care about me.

Things are going to be missed. My bed, as always. The comfort of my home. The things I love to eat that are usually readily available. I think, that the most shocking thing to me is imagining not having the warming company of those closest to my heart.

I lied, I am scared. Maybe scared isn't the right word. Maybe I'm just lost as to what I'll find or expect. Maybe I don't want to push the people in my life right now out, and have new ones forced in.

Well, I lied again. I am excited. I get to do what I love. I have the opportunity to practice it. And share it. Maybe even come home with something more than what I left with. Maybe I'll get to find new things to love to eat. Maybe I'll find a love of new people. Maybe I shouldn't be scared.

We all know that's impossible. Home for some is nice to leave. Sometimes people don't care when they'll get back. Even knowing is worth forgetting just to enjoy and have that time pass well. Fast isn't fun. You'll wonder where that time went. Just well. And the time I have left must pass well as well.

The point is, I started typing this about my trip to Kansas City. I'm competing. But maybe it's not about that at all. Maybe... just maybe... I'm thinking more about leaving home for two years. Two years. Home. Gone. Korben. Gone. Rachael. Mom, and Dad. Gone. Eric. Gone. Leslie... gone. I can only pray that when the time comes, I'll have the heart not to cry.

But really. Don't feel bad for me. I mean I sound like it's expected, but I'll be okay. I'm on the right side.

I'm not excited about leaving. I'm excited about going